Dealing with disagreements in the workplace

This is the third in a ten-part series
Part One - Bullying
Part Two - Egotism

By Daniela Aroche

"Lawyers could become increasingly isolated, boycotted and circumvented if they choose to engage in personal conflict in the workplace. And if their internal stakeholders stop coming to them for advice, their colleagues stop interacting with them and their subordinates keep resigning - it will be difficult to justify their existence in the corporation," said Chrys Leong, consultant at Hudson.

There are many situations from which personal conflict can arise, but one of the main causes, often overlooked, is too much 'assertiveness' or an aggressive attitude towards co-workers, staff and/or managers. And whilst standing up for your rights and defending your opinions in the workplace is a necessary skill, the wrong approach can create tension and conflict.

"Of course, you have to be assertive for people to take your instructions seriously. If you are not assertive enough to get your point across, you will easily be brushed aside and will not be able to control the situation and perform your role efficiently. But you can put your views across constructively, reasonably and firmly - being aggressive is negative," said Leong.
 
"When there is no regard for the person's view and opinion, no regard for his/her thoughts, no regard for his/her feelings and emotions, it can embarrass, belittle and undermine the other person and could make the receiving party resent you."

Conflict, or a memory of it, often have a big impact on the effectiveness of your collaboration, exchange of ideas, and information sharing - which in turn can not only put a huge dampener on career advancement but also isolate you from other colleagues and cause you to miss out on opportunities.

"Any behaviour which could cause personal conflict at work will be frowned upon especially if these personal conflicts affect productivity at work and damage the firm's culture/reputation. Organisations value harmony - so if a particular individual goes around upsetting the harmony and causing resentment in the workplace you could risk being removed from the position or from the organisation," said Leong.

According to Leong, the best way to avoid personal conflict is by minimizing stressful situations as much as possible and monitoring the way you relate to your fellow co-workers, staff and managers.

"Learn to separate work from personal emotions. Manage yourself before you try to manage others. Focus on the work, be objective, be tactful. If you keep yourself and your behaviour in check, you will find your workplace a lot more amenable, conducive and productive. Coming to work will be a lot more pleasant."

Tips for avoiding personal conflict in the workplace

* Approach conflict with an open mind. Recognize that conflict is not about one person being "right" and another "wrong"; rather, it's about different people with different perceptions. Try to understand the other person's point of view and how he or she arrived at it. Resolving conflict involves coming to a mutually satisfactory relationship rather than one person giving in to another.

* Consider what might have caused the conflict. Is it a difference in styles, opinions? Evaluate how your words or actions may have contributed to the situation. It's hard to look at yourself objectively, but try to place yourself in the other person's shoes. Consider how you might be able to handle the situation differently.

* Be respectful of differences. Workplaces today are more diverse than ever, with employees of different ages, cultures and background. What one person might consider acceptable behavior might be insulting to another. Look into attending or sponsoring a diversity program in your workplace so you can learn to work effectively with a diverse workforce.

* Listen carefully. Try not to jump to any conclusions. When the other person talks, acknowledge his or her feelings, and paraphrase back what you are hearing. Make sure you understand the issue fully before responding.

* Carefully consider the type of language you use. Try to communicate without placing blame on the other person, e.g., "It seems like there may be some tension between us."

* If the conflict has progressed, get some help. Ask a manager you respect for feedback on how you might handle the situation. You could ask for help from your manager, a human resources professional, or a manager in a different department.

* Be sure the problem is resolved. The fact that you feel better about a situation may not be enough. Make sure your co-worker similarly feels that he/she has been heard and that the issue has been resolved. Also, set guidelines about what you will do if there is conflict in the future. You might say something like, "Let's commit that you will let me know right away if I do something that upsets you, and when you bring it to my attention, we will stop what we are doing to address it."

Source:http://www.boston.com/jobs/news/articles/2008/05/14/overcoming_conflict_in_the_workplace/